The Road To Battleground!

:::: The Road to Battleground, a celebration event starting the weekend long wrestling extravaganza. Superstars are signing autographs in the arena lobby areas, there is a ‘call your own match with Dave Scott’, and a UFW museum with such artifacts as a bar tab slip from Bubba Gump’s first bar, a replica of a pick strong enough to get through Jamal Fatz afro, and a jar holding Boy Bakla’s supposed male anatomy. There is even an undercard of matches to wet the appetite of even the most rabid of fans. There is a camera crew on the scene broadcasting a review of the day’s events and the undercard live for television on UFW’s usual outlets. George Daniels is working overtime with Johnny Devil ever present at his side. ::::

George Daniels: “Hello wrestling fans! The Road to the biggest night of the season starts now. Prepare yourselves for an explosion of sports entertainment hitting you from the UFW arena across the room from your TV set. Your journey to the peak of pro wrestling excellence is about to begin….”

::::: UFW/RIOT intro animation and music is aired for the TV audience, while the Battleground theme music plays in the arena with a huge amount of cheers from standing and jumping fans. They have seen matches today, they have gotten autographs, and they have their popcorn, its time for a show! :::::

George Daniels: “Welcome, folks to the Road To Battleground! I’m your host this evening, George Daniels, along with my partner in crime, Johnny Devil. Johnny, I’ve gotten my picture taken with Kelly Stewart. I’ve gotten my autograph with the Sad Man, I’ve seen Rey Rey wrestle and then mop up his opponent’s blood from the ring canvas. This Road to Battleground Fanfest is awesome!

Johnny Devil: “The Road to series is a stroke of genius. Yet another innovation of our new and illustrious general manager, Miss Eunice Winslow. Hell, you can even arm wrestle with one of those oiled up strongmen Boy Bakla carts around with him. Not a very long line for that one. The fans here are primed up for tomorrow’s big UFW PPV BATTLEGROUND.”

George Daniels: “They sure are, Johnny. In fact they just witnessed a huge battle royal between Boy Bakla’s geishas and FunnyboneSA’s midgets. That was a hoot!”

Devil: “Hey I must have missed that one while I was squealing like a fanboy for The RockAttitude… Wait, the midgets…. They’re in the building?”

Daniels: “Midgets? What midgets?”

Johnny: “God my worst deepest, darkest nightmare is coming true. Don’t mess with me, Daniels, I will cut you!”

:::: The announcers are cut off with the cutting blare of Sisqo’s “Unleash the Dragon.” The fans are shocked that the Riot superstar is here making an unscheduled appearance. Women lose their minds as all eyes, and breasts, turn and point towards the entrance ramp and they aren’t disappointed as the Modernday Adonis himself, Richard ‘The Dragon’ Johnson appears from behind the entrance curtain. This PPV is extremely high exposure for the former indy wrestler and Youtube fighting star and he realizes it apparently. Gleaming like a diamond in the spotlight, Dragon is dressed to the nines in a full white suit with a scarf draped over his shoulders. He is wearing his usual mirrored navigator sunglasses and carrying a cane. Upon his lapel is a red and gold gen encrusted dragon broach standing out in broad contract to his stark white suit. Shockingly is what is draped across his other arm, is something somewhat akin to his namesake; a komodo dragon! Johnson makes his way down to the ring, climbs the stairs and places the Komodo dragon on the mat while holding onto a leash. Johnson calls for a microphone. ::::

Dragon: “The Battleground party can now begin, The Dragon is here! And what a party its gonna be! Since I have your attention, I just can’t pass up this opportunity to talk to you, my loyal fans. I just have a couple of questions that I just gotta know. How many people are here tonight to see Boy Bakla?”

:::: A mixture of boos and subdued cheers is heard throughout the arena. :::::

Dragon: “Ok ok, that pretty good. He’s an established UFW superstar and it’s expected that he has at least a little bit of a following. Now, how many people here are here to see the contingent of superstars from….. ufw?”

:::: A huge pop rebounces off the rafters. ::::

Dragon: “Not bad, not bad. Also, not surprising their name is actually in the title of the shows. It is at least for now. Ok, we’re almost done. Who here came to see the biggest baddest group of extreme butt-kickers poised to wipe the floors up, if Rey Rey doesn’t mind, with UFW’s best and brightest… the totally tough and rad RIOT SQUAD?!”

:::: A respectable amount of cheers is audible even outside of the arena from fans who enjoy the former Riot! Federation superstars. There is also a respectable amount of boos. An overrated chant begins in the routy 700 level. :::::

Dragon: “Hmmm.. that ones a tough call… Sounds like quite a few of you up there in the 700 level have been trying out the I Zombie chili from the concession stand. Ok, last one, and this one should be an easy one. How many people here are here to see the Most Perfect example of the Male Specimen, the Modern Day Adonis, the Riot Wrestling Superstar, and the man who is gonna kick the living crap out of that freak show BOY BAKLA, RICHARD ‘THE DRAGON’ JOHNSON?!”

:::: Quite a few cheers, more higher pitched, greet the Dragon in the ring. Some that are his fans, some that are sympathetic to Riot’s claims and some simply because his current rant is just entertaining. :::::

Dragon: “Ok its close, its real close. But, I’m gonna take a shot in the dark and say, that’s one more for the Good Guys! You know that Bakla guy is gonna be real scared once he’s locked up in a cage with …. “

:::: Johnson’s rant is interrupted when a considerably more upbeat song by Cher assaults the eardrums of those present. Not long afterwards, the flamboyant Boy Bakla appears under the Jumbotron, looking mightily pissed. Bakla is in his wrestling garb and the muscles around his neck are tensed up as the vein in his forehead and his eyes seem ready to burst outward. If looks could kill, the Dragon wouldn’t make it to Battleground. Bakla pulls a microphone from… you don’t want to know. ::::

Boy Bakla: “The only reason my entourage isn’t here with me ready to tear your cute little dragon tail to shreds is that they got a hold of some of the Azagoth buffalo wings. I just couldn’t stand another minute in that locker room. You talk a really tough game for someone who got beat twice by yours truly already. I’m looking forward to getting my hands on that gorgeous frame of yours again, and better yet, making you willingly strip down to your considerably large fig leaf and possibly further. I’m gonna beat you down, Johnson. But I’m gonna do more than that, come Battleground, I’m gonna take your manhood!”

::::: A disgusted grunt wraps around the stadium like fans doing the wave. Clearly, that wasn’t a visual they needed. :::::

Dragon: “Why don’t you come on down here and try to take my manhood. I’ll show you just how much of a man I am.”

:::: No more twisting of the arm is necessary. As if on cue, Boy Bakla charges down the ramp to the ring. The Dragon throws off his suit jacket and tears off his shirt, to the delight of the female fans in attendance. ::::

Devil: “Oooh that got Bakla’s panties in a bunch! Someone grab that dragon broach!”

:::: Bakla just makes it into the ring when the music for UFW plays over the PA system and a little old woman strides out of the entrance under the Tron. Ms. Eunice Winslow, the UFW general manager has arrived and it looks like she brought Hell with her. She already has a microphone and looks furious. :::::

Ms. Eunice Winslow: “Oh no. Oh no. Just wait one stinking minute! I will not have you two ruin my Battleground PPV by giving the fans this match a day early! Most of all, I won’t let you do it for free! Officers, escort the gentlemen from my arena.”

:::: Police officers storm out of the entrance area and down the ramp. The group splits and the two groups separate Dragon and Bakla from the ring. ::::

Bakla: “I’ve enjoyed our little time together, lovely. No time for love, Doctor Jones. I’ll see you at Battleground. Don’t be late, hunny, and remember, I like flowers. From what I’m gonna do to you, you better buy me dinner first!”

Dragon: “Oh yeah, so what do you want for your last meal, Bakla?! I’d be more concerned what the Reign of Fire will do to you!”

Bakla: “Oh shucks, you got out another catch phrase. Oh woe is me? Poetry does nothing for me, Richard. You’ll have to do better than that to get into my pants…. On second thought, who am I kidding?”

:::: With that, the microphones are ripped away from both competitors as they are dragged kicking and screaming into two separate exits out of the arena. The fans are going out of their mind. They can’t believe that UFW allowed this to happen at a fanfest event and they are loving it. ::::

George Daniels: “The smart marks have this one as the match of the night. With the temperature boiling over so high between these two, can a cage contain them? Find out at Battleground! Goodnight, folks!”